Saturday, January 24, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Are Intimacy Issues Getting in the Way of Your Relationship?
Many people incorrectly think that being intimate with someone means to have sexual relations. This couldn't be further from the truth. Being intimate makes a person very vulnerable and for many this causes too many emotions to surface and for these people it can make them feel very uncomfortable. This can lead to issues in the bedroom. Sex is the highest level of intimacy two people can share, but when one partner suffers from intimacy issues this can lead to a very blah sexual session.
Intimacy leads to people knowing each other very deeply and leads to a strong relationship between couples. There are no secrets, and each person feels free to be who they are in front of their partner. Sex is just the sexual act that intimacy leads to and can be the most intimate act two people will share.
Being intimate means cuddling, touching, kissing, sexual relations, massaging and stroking, and communicating on a very deep level. In a strong relationship, you will visually see the intimacy between two people as they touch, hug, and often kiss in public or alone. These people are very open in their relationship and want to show their affections. This allows each to feel completed, happy and feeling loved by the other person. These acts of intimacy then lead to a complete act of intimacy in the bedroom where they are open with each other sexually.
Those who have a fear of intimacy have difficulties connecting with another person. As a therapist, I have often helped couples work on intimacy issues as opposed to sexual issues. Once the intimacy issues start to go away or are dealt with better, the sex gets good and more frequent among couples.
So, where does this fear of intimacy come from? Well, it can come from a variety of issues that started in childhood. For those people that have been molested or sexually abused are likely to have trouble trusting others, and, for this reason, keep a wall up between them and their partner. The fear of being taken advantage of again; leaving a feeling of betrayal leads to intimacy issues. In the therapy world, we consider people who experience this fear to suffer from an anxiety disorder. When a person has a fear of intimacy, he or she may feel anxious anytime he or she tries to get intimate and sexual with someone else.
How do you know if you have a fear of intimacy? Do you feel anxious before being intimate with someone else?
· Secure people feel comfortable being intimate and sharing personal information with others.
· Those who feel insecure and defensive about getting intimate or sharing intimate details of one's life may have a fear of intimacy.
· Those who feel that they don't deserve to be loved or supported by others may suffer from this fear as well.
· If the person has had many relationships that have broken up when it would have become serious may point to a fear of intimacy.
· A person who avoids intimacy and doesn't show affection very often.
· Lack of sexual relations also points toward intimacy issues.
· People who suffer from depression and anxiety tend to suffer from this fear of intimacy.
· Having many one night stands is a red flag.
· Frequents arguments in relationships can point toward a lack of intimacy, which has increased stress levels (Sex is a natural stress reliever).
· Lack, of trusting other people, is also a red flag.
A relationship needs to be intimate for each person to feel completed. Without this feeling of contentment, people will be searching other ways to feel better, this sometimes leads to addictive behaviors like substance abuse. A person with intimacy issues will have issues in all relationships including friendships. There are many people that suffer from intimacy issues, for this reason, have issues in their relationships with marriages ending in divorce or breakups. These people will continue to suffer a fear of intimacy until they deal with their intimacy issues.
Many will need to seek counseling to get to the source of the reason of their intimacy issues. If this sounds like you, then seek help because your relationships will not get better until you deal with these issues.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Friday, January 9, 2015
For more than 20 years, I have worked with people diagnosed with autism, and many have been completely nonverbal. I have always felt that there are many ways to communicate with someone who can't verbally. I have spent hours with children, teens, and adults that have Autism teaching them how to communicate with those around them. Nowadays we have the computer to use to communicate. In this video, you will see how a person who seems to be severely autistic and that some think are retarded and unable to communicate, can.
Over the years, I have taught these individuals to use their phones, iPad, computers and whatever else to talk to others so they can communicate their wants, needs, and desires.
According to Autism Speaks, 25% of people with autism are nonverbal. These individuals have difficulties finding ways to communicate with others and therefore will engage in behaviors that can be, well, quite intimidating to someone not used to these types of outbursts. In reality, all that person is doing and trying to tell someone that they either need or want something and can't so they get frustrated and act out to gain someone's attention.
I have always believed that it is important not to judge a book by the cover or in this sense -behavior-. Instead, my approach is to find ways to communicate with that person that is easily usable by that person. Each person is different and will use a different modality for communicating. Some use sign language, PECS, or some other form of verbal expression. Our modern times allow for use on phones, iPads, and computers allowing people like Carly to talk to other people. Take a look at this video and her behaviors that she exhibits and then the words that roll off her fingers and onto the keyboard. This video of Carly is an amazing demonstration of the majority of people similar to her and many that I have worked with over the years and how easily she communicates using the computer, amazing.
I think this gives us hope toward the future as Autism rates continue to rise and that there are more ways to communicate now than ever before for these people.
Share your thoughts on this video and what communication devices you have found helpful in communicating with someone who is nonverbal.