Are Intimacy Issues Getting in the
Way of Your Relationship?
Many people incorrectly think that being intimate with
someone means to have sexual relations. This couldn't be further from the
truth. Being intimate makes a person very vulnerable and for many this causes
too many emotions to surface and for these people it can make them feel very
uncomfortable. This can lead to issues in the bedroom. Sex is the highest level
of intimacy two people can share, but when one partner suffers from intimacy
issues this can lead to a very blah sexual session.
Intimacy leads to people knowing each other very deeply and
leads to a strong relationship between couples. There are no secrets, and each
person feels free to be who they are in front of their partner. Sex is just the
sexual act that intimacy leads to and can be the most intimate act two people
will share.
Being intimate means cuddling, touching, kissing, sexual
relations, massaging and stroking, and communicating on a very deep level. In a
strong relationship, you will visually see the intimacy between two people as
they touch, hug, and often kiss in public or alone. These people are very open
in their relationship and want to show their affections. This allows each to
feel completed, happy and feeling loved by the other person. These acts of
intimacy then lead to a complete act of intimacy in the bedroom where they are
open with each other sexually.
Those who have a fear of intimacy have difficulties
connecting with another person. As a therapist, I have often helped couples
work on intimacy issues as opposed to sexual issues. Once the intimacy issues
start to go away or are dealt with better, the sex gets good and more frequent
among couples.
So, where does this fear of intimacy come from? Well, it can
come from a variety of issues that started in childhood. For those people that
have been molested or sexually abused are likely to have trouble trusting
others, and, for this reason, keep a wall up between them and their partner.
The fear of being taken advantage of again; leaving a feeling of betrayal leads
to intimacy issues. In the therapy world, we consider people who experience
this fear to suffer from an anxiety disorder. When a person has a fear of
intimacy, he or she may feel anxious anytime he or she tries to get intimate
and sexual with someone else.
How do you know if you have a fear of intimacy? Do you feel
anxious before being intimate with someone else?
·
Secure people feel comfortable being intimate
and sharing personal information with others.
·
Those who feel insecure and defensive about
getting intimate or sharing intimate details of one's life may have a fear of
intimacy.
·
Those who feel that they don't deserve to be
loved or supported by others may suffer from this fear as well.
·
If the person has had many relationships that
have broken up when it would have become serious may point to a fear of
intimacy.
·
A person who avoids intimacy and doesn't show
affection very often.
·
Lack of sexual relations also points toward
intimacy issues.
·
People who suffer from depression and anxiety
tend to suffer from this fear of intimacy.
·
Having many one night stands is a red flag.
·
Frequents arguments in relationships can point
toward a lack of intimacy, which has increased stress levels (Sex is a natural
stress reliever).
·
Lack, of trusting other people, is also a red
flag.
A relationship needs to be intimate for each person to feel
completed. Without this feeling of contentment, people will be searching other
ways to feel better, this sometimes leads to addictive behaviors like substance
abuse. A person with intimacy issues will have issues in all relationships
including friendships. There are many people that suffer from intimacy issues,
for this reason, have issues in their relationships with marriages ending in
divorce or breakups. These people will continue to suffer a fear of intimacy
until they deal with their intimacy issues.
Many will need to seek counseling to get to the source of
the reason of their intimacy issues. If this sounds like you, then seek help
because your relationships will not get better until you deal with these
issues.
I found this book to be very inspiring and profound. The
author delicately shares information that makes you think about who you are and
who you want to be. He shares some of his personal experiences and how these
experiences have influenced who he is today. The book has much needed
information that can help readers to unlock the doors to who they really want
to be and reasons why they are who they are. There are parts of this book that
I think could help many of our young teens these days. I believe teens would be
able to relate to the author’s own experiences as a child and how he has
changed to be more of the person he is today. “Surrender Your Soul” has made me
think about what I need to do to be the person I want to be. 
